No, I am not pregnant.  Nor am I trying to be pregnant.  Actually I’m actively preventing that situation.

We’ve been talking about babies and pregnancy and kids and stuff and made some decisions… OK, I made some decisions.  I refuse to bring a child into the world where I’m laden with debt and can’t afford to support my own child.  I shared that with Superman, he understands my choice.  Well, we’ve had a rough few weeks around here between me being neurotic, working a lot, and feeling pushed aside for other things.  But in all honesty, that’s a normal cycle of emotions for me… yeah, I know it’s not normal.  I require reassurance.  I get my feelings hurt when the dog abandons me for too long.

I’m also a planner, I plan for everything in my life.  Excel is my favorite program of all times, it helps me control EVERYTHING financial.  I’m a dork and a control freak.

I haven’t actually come to terms with this whole baby thing yet.  I’m 27 (omfg) and maybe I feel some strange social pressure to start the baby train.  I want kids, don’t get me wrong.  But infants terrify me.  What if I break it?  Yeah, I know they’re sturdier than they look and it’s hard to break them, but what if I do?  What if that baby has a developmental disability?  What if I don’t have the patience to handle a screaming baby?  What if I regret it?

I know who I am, mostly.  I know my preferences and hermitish abilities.  I know that I like to control noise levels.  I know that I like to sleep in and do my own thing.  I know what I like and how I’m currently living… that doesn’t mean I want to keep living that way.  If I had my way, I’d be a stay at home mom.  I want to raise my own kids.  I don’t want them in daycare.

In the last few years I realized that I don’t want to work my life away.  I don’t want a job to take over my life ever again.  I did it once before for a paycheck and this stupid idea that it would get me somewhere.  Now, it would have gotten me somewhere if I had the stomach and loose morals for corporate america.  Maybe I picked the wrong field.

I’m just so sick and tired of being in a job and having people treat you like you’re garbage or that the world revolves around someone else and to hell with everyone else.  I mean god forbid that people treat people like they are human beings… on both sides of the counter.  When I have an issue with someone or something, I take a deep breath and then calmly handle the situation.  Because of this I generally win whatever battle I’m working on.  When did the world stop treating people like people and tell us it was okay to depersonalize things?

Ok, not so random tangent, I want a job I like.  I want to work without being treated like garbage.  I am capable of doing my job, I don’t need to be yelled at, demeaned, and verbally abused in a work environment because people are losing their minds.  I don’t want to work in places like that.

That being said, I can’t raise my own kids and quit my job because then we won’t be able to enjoy our lives.  I really liked being unemployed, it was the first time in a decade my life was actually my life and not someone else’s.

Oh, and now Superman said that we should start having kids.  I seriously had a omfgwtf moment.  Then it dawned on me that I can’t have kids just yet, I’m so not ready.  And then I realized that you’re never ready are you?

I wish I was independently wealthy.  Life would be so much easier.  I just want to be comfortable, NOW! lol…


5 thoughts on “Babies…

  1. I feel ya on the pressure to have kids. That's the military life for you, and kind of Minot too. There isn't much to do, so all the mom's get together for "play dates"….and then leave us non-moms (wtf? idk what else to call us) out. It sucks. As for money, it'll get better as he ranks up. Trust me, just the small changes from Airman to Airman 1st Class and Senior Airman make SUCH a huge difference in pay. Wait a few more years to have kids, enjoy being married without them, wait for those pay raises, and you know what? 30 is the new 20 for having kids. We're just stuck in old fashioned military land.

  2. I think everyone wants to be independently wealthy. I also believe that you can never be 100% ready, you can never read enough books, you can never have enough knowledge. Whatever you choose and whenever you decide to have a baby you will make it work. 😀

  3. I so wish we had all the money to feel "ready" about so many things. We're currently trying for a baby, but we don't want one at this exact moment. It sounds weird, but we're just letting things happen in time. We're getting our finances in order and we'll never be completely ready for a baby!

  4. well it's crazy about not wanting your children in daycare. I am all for raising them, but around 3 1/2-4 years they need the social interaction and preschool/daycare is going to give them that.. rather than shoving them into a social situation and them feeling awkward. But as far as everything else goes, HECK YEAH GO YOU! I am glad that you're a planner, I agree with not wanting to bring a child into the world with a mountain of debt. Children are a blessing, they consume my life as I'm a nanny and going to school for elementary education this fall. I have seen so many women in the military and world in general have babies and just be so nonchalant about how they're raised and about their education.. it's a play thing for a lot of the women I've seen in our squadron. They have nothing else to do but have a baby.. now that is a small number, the other women are great moms and care a lot.Keep on keeping on and don't worry about when the right time to have a baby is, when your goals are met is when the right time to start trying is.

  5. @ Miss C.. When I was 3.5 I was in school, like already reading small books kind of school. So yeah, I'm not real fond of a daycare situation I remember being in daycare (it happened at 5 before I went back to school), it was terrible and I was so bored. But you're right, they need social interaction. I'm referring to the 1 year old (or younger) day care when your kid sits in a crib and does nothing and is only talked to when they need food or changed.I want to be rich!!! lol.

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