First off, I’m going to shamelessly plug my etsy shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/MollysMilitaryDesign. I make wreaths, usually as gifts and such but recently for people around here. I’ll add some new things as I get the time/materials and such, especially when I start my wooden signs. My MIL, his grandma, dad, and brother are all getting something like these for x-mas this year.
Onto the second part of this post: Grudges
Basically, Superman talked to a friend yesterday for a little while. This friend told him that she wanted us to visit her, to which I immediately screamed, “NO!” This person used to be my roommate in college, she was also his roommate in college. She’s been arrested (and charged) for felony possession of a controlled substance. We have had to call her off work because she’s too high to get there. She has been to rehab and then managed to substitute her addiction for pills into an addiction for alcohol. She is crunchy (not completely relevant but regardless). She went and finally graduated from college with us years after the fact. She has been institutionalized multiple times in her late teens. She is certifiably, OCD. Have you ever had soap come out your own sink when your roommate has a different bathroom and uses so much that it comes out of ALL the sinks? Yeah, probably not. She’s addicted to people and social circles. She thinks that her friends should be there whenever she’d like them to be. When Superman and I had a rough patch (see Break-up), he moved in with her. Besides all the hell she had put us through previously to this that involved some really terrible grades because she would say she was dropping you off at class and then never took you there and other bullshit. During his stay with her, she made up house rules. This isn’t the first time we’d seen house rules from her but when my name showed up on them as a persona non grata, I was a little offended. I would like to point out that Superman moved out on me, while I was at work. We hit a serious rough patch that almost tanked our entire relationship and did for a few months thanks to a few of his friends and his need for bachelorhood. Oddly enough, my bachelorette status really seemed to bother him. I have not been 100% nice to this person our entire friendship, but we were friends. I have paid their rent, gotten their electricity turned back on, and basically saved their ass more than once in the name of friendship after she took the money and blew it on random shit because she is an addict. She calls my dog Re-Re and me a nickname that I loathe. She told my mom that she renamed me and my mom told her what’s up. His family can’t stand her, my family can’t stand her, her own family can’t stand her. She’s poisonous and screams about female liberation. Oddly enough, she liberated herself and was sleeping with one of her professors (why god, why?!) and then when he dropped her like a bad habit for his wife and child, she went screaming to the department chair. Not so liberated now, eh? This girl wants us to come visit her. Absolutely not. She’s stopped paying her student loans, living off an “Occupy” movement (no, I’m not kidding) and works as little as humanly possible to stay afloat. She has never bought her own car (mommy & daddy). Her family is mennonite and I think she’s trying to replay her own Rumspringa for the last 10 years. Oh and she’s never taken responsibility for anything, always blamed it on someone else — usually me. I think the best part was when Superman joined the Air Force, she bought him books about how the military kills innocent people and brainwashes you. She stopped speaking to him in hopes that he wouldn’t go.
Anyway, I made a conscious decision years ago that I didn’t want her in my life. I have a strange philosophy on friends (maybe). The joy of making friends is that you can always get rid of the ones you don’t want anymore. I know that sounds terrible, but just because I was friends with someone once and maybe for a while doesn’t mean that I need to be friends with them for the rest of our lives. People change, I change. I don’t always agree with the people they’ve become and in some cases am highly morally opposed to their choices in life. I also don’t want to be dragged down by friends who have a compulsive need to drag people down. I need people in my life, but not that much. My hermitish existence lends itself to a part-time socialization. The friends I do have right now are great and we understand each other. We understand that we all have lives and differences in opinions. We don’t need each other on a daily basis, we don’t call or text daily. Hell, we don’t even see each other all the time. But damnit, when you need a friend, they are right there for you. If we disagree on something, we don’t scream or argue, we respect each others opinions and move on. We have an essential desire for a drama-free life, we hate bullshit, and we’re over middle school games. We make jokes that aren’t appropriate and we all laugh.
I don’t want her back as a friend. I never have. No part of me says, “hey, let’s be friends with her again.” Is it selfish to just be done with a friend at some point? No, I really don’t think so. Just because you were friends with them once, doesn’t mean you have to be friends forever. Especially when she called me so many names when I was having a really difficult time in college. She later went on to speaking to a psychiatrist/ologist because of issues that were literally rendering her incapable of living. When that didn’t work, she went in to an inpatient treatment facility. It’s sad that her life has ended up where it has but she refuses to take care of herself and I refuse to be a part of it.
His one comment to me was, “She sounds so manic.”
Tell me I’m not crazy here, sometimes it’s just better to let people go and never look back, right?