I hate roommates.

So today, our temporary roommate who won’t go away, came home and said, “Hi Molly… How are you today?”

If that isn’t the most venomous sentence ever, I don’t know what is.  I told this a-hole that he could stay for 9 days, until the end of the month…. IN JANUARY.

Mind you, I already know what’s coming because I have a super-fantastic husband who keeps me updated about things that are going to ruin my life.  Plus, firefighters gossip more than 12 year old girls.

I think to myself… he’s gonna ask me to stay until March 7th.  Here it comes.  It should be noted that I haven’t been able to come up with anything nice to say to him since I found out about this yesterday morning.  I’ve worked through it in my head for hours and it still kept sounding the same… and mean.

He says, “Has Superman told you about the new situation?”  I immediately jump his throat about how he needs a place to stay until March 7th and I told him he could stay for 9 days and now… it’s 2/12, so 21 effin’ days later he’s still here.

Him: “I’ve been looking for a place.”
Me: “Have you physically gone into an apartment agency and asked for an availability list?”
Him: “Well, no.”
Me: “Well, then you haven’t actually been looking, yeah?”
Him: :::crickets chirping::::

Needless to say in way too many words I told him exactly how I felt about him, the situation and the standard premise that everyone can bring their crap to our house.  I threw in the fact that he’s banking BAH while hogging my internet and that his going out and drinking pisses me off.  He is finally leaving next week, which is still too late for me.  I want him out a week ago.  The best part about this shit is that he WON’T STOP TALKING.  He seriously talks ALL the time, to himself, to me, to the dog, to the ipad, to Superman.  He just keeps coming up with more shit to talk about and each time he does it, I want to punch him in the throat just a bit more… which is currently a whole lot.

Oh and to make everything better, he chews… and he’s doing it right now, and it smells like ass.

FML.

Oh, great, he’s laughing at the ipad now… I’m sure he’ll tell us what it is out loud soon.  Yep, there it is.

 

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