So here I am, sitting here playing on facebook when all of a sudden this wave of sadness hits me. Not for any apparent reason, but for reasons nonetheless. I went to college, losing friends shouldn’t make me upset anymore. They’re moving on to bigger and better things! But for some reason, the prospect (and reality) of all my friends moving away right now is a little overwhelming. I know I’m leaving too, that part seems so far off and unreal that it hasn’t phased me yet. These people have been around the entire time I’ve been here. Some of them came before me… some after.. but we’ve all been around for at least as long as I’ve been here. “See you later” doesn’t really apply in most of these cases because they’re all leaving the military and going “home”. For the record, I have no idea where home is anymore and I’m not sure that I even care.
What I do care about is that at least of one my best friends is leaving me… and to make matters worse, I haven’t even talked to her recently. I’m just tired of being the one to make the first phone call or text message. Half the time she doesn’t respond because she’s busy with her baby. I get it, family is important. But watching someone change into someone they used to be and then stopped being is a little weird. Just add her to the list of people who will be leaving this place before I will. I’m not even pushing to leave here, I really don’t mind it. It grows on you after a while. It gives me hope that I can live wherever I want and I’ll be just fine. I’ve gotten really good at conveniently not being around when people I care about leave, it just sucks and I really don’t want to be around for it. So many of them are leaving the military. The only way for me to even keep track of them is on facebook. Most of them probably don’t even know how much they mean to me and that’s okay too, it’s better that way.
I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or the fact that I just feel really left out recently, but today sucks. I was fine and then all of a sudden I’m not fine anymore. I wish I could say, “See you later”… but that’s not the case. You know what would be awesome, if someone followed us around. I really hope that one day, I will actually get to see my friends again and the ones that stay in the military, I really do hope we cross paths again. I’m sure this is a set of emotions everyone has when they are looking at leaving their first duty station, it’s an experience I’ve never encountered and don’t know how to handle it. I’ll get through it just fine, just like I always do… but it still sucks.
Oh and the snarky part of me (did you really think she wouldn’t show up??) is really annoyed at all the “We got orders to Why Not!” I’m just annoyed with reading all the crap about how they have to sell their cars, the housing situation sucks, they hate North Dakota, this is the worst duty station ever blah blah blah. You know that saying, “It is what you make of it.” Well, that applies here. I’m probably going to miss this place when I leave, the people here are some of the most generous people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. It’s actually gotten to the point that I’ve stopped answering questions, responding, etc. They’re already starting drama and I want nothing to do with it.
Did I mention that hormones suck??
Oh, and a positive note, Friday is gender day. We’ll get to find out whether or not D’Artagnan is a male or a female. I’m not sure I’ve mentioned it yet, but it has an in-utero name… D’Artagnan. Yes, that’s a 3 Musketeers reference. Then next Monday is the 20 week appointment to talk about ultrasound results. Other than that, not a whole lot going on… I sleep a lot. I’m up to about 11 hours a night. By then end of this, I’ll probably sleep all day and night. I’d probably sleep more, but I can’t convince the dog to rub my feet.