My Favourite Things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens 
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eye lashes
Silver white winters that melt into spring
These are a few of my favorite things!

When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad, 
I simply remember 
my favorite things
and then I don’t feel so bad!

 

As I was rocking Baby Danger to sleep tonight, he kept fighting me.  He was exhausted, it was apparent.  He’s changing his nap/sleep schedule this week and is now protesting his 8pm bedtime.  He’s closer to 9:45-10:30 in the last few days.  I laid him down a few times and he hung out, then started chattering away.  After 20-30 minutes of this little game he’s been playing, I give up.  There’s no point in leaving him there to fall asleep when he’s more than thrilled with playing with himself and chattering away.  I take him out, play with him, change diaper, nurse, whatever – and then he goes back into his rock ‘n play when he starts to get sleepy.  When the pre-zzz’s show up, he goes to bed.

Well, tonight I rocked him, like I usually do when he’s having a hard time going to sleep and he should already be asleep.  I found myself singing this song.  One of my mom’s used to sing this song to me when I was young.  You see, I’m one of those lucky kids who has 4 moms (and in my case, 3 of them have the same name – no joke).  My mom has 4 best friends, 3 of them have the same first name.  They’ve known each other since high school-ish.  They’ve been there my entire life.  They helped raise me, discipline me, congratulate me, love me, and be my family.  My mom needed help raising me, she didn’t know how.  My grandmother died when my mom was 13 years old.  She raised herself and her little brother before her father got remarried.  His new wife was always nice enough (in a scary step-grandmother kind of way).  She made it abundantly clear that I was not her grandchild and that she didn’t like children.  It’s fine, whatever.  My grandfather isn’t exactly a part of my life.  He doesn’t know when my birthday is, nor has he ever given me a present.  I have one present from him, it’s a gold inscribed baby bracelet.  My name is spelled wrong.

Anyway, D2, the mom who always sang me this song was much more loving than my own mother.  Again, not my mom’s fault, she just didn’t know what/how to do it.  When I was a kid, she’d babysit me.  We’d spend weekends at her house, make forts under her bed, go swimming in the pool, bet on horses (no joke – I almost won $300 at OTB when I was like 10 but my horse came in 3rd by a hand).  She made sure we had so much fun.  She made my 8th birthday cookie cake and my card castle for my 13th birthday.  She made sure I knew I was loved.  Sometime before my 10th birthday, she took me to one of the only musicals I’ve ever seen/enjoyed… She took us to see The Sound of Music.  Looking back, I assume it was her favorite.  She let me borrow her car when mine was in the shop in high school and her car almost killed me when the accelerator got stuck.  She always had a birthday card and Christmas present for me.  She came to my high school graduation and sat far away from my mom because my step-dad and her were fighting… but she was there.  On my 16th birthday, she helped bring me and my mom down to Florida for spring break for my birthday.  Then she took us to Disney where we had the trip of a lifetime.  She sent me flowers and came by after they were delivered as a congratulation present that day.  When I was in college, I needed someone to co-sign a student loan for me, she did it without question.  She drove down to visit her nieces and nephews (she had 2 other ones in the same school as me), took us all to dinner for Christmas and gave us $500 each.  She was my other mom.

I remember the day she died.  It was the day after Thanksgiving.  When I woke up and checked my phone, I saw that I had a missed call from my mom at like 5:30 or something in the morning.  I knew it was bad.  She never calls that early, ever.  She left a voicemail and when I listened to it, I heard her heart breaking while she was sobbing into the phone telling me that she had passed.  I later found out how and it wasn’t good.  The last time I had seen her, she was completely out of it.  She looked different, she acted different, I knew something had changed for the worse.  She was diagnosed with MS when I was a kid and truly believed in living life to the fullest.  She didn’t know when it was going to end.  I feel bad that I hadn’t seen her in a few years, but she was such a different person.  She wasn’t the person I knew anymore.  At her memorial I refused to cry in front of anyone.  All the kids I grew up with at her house, all of her nieces and nephews, were gathered.  Some recognized me, some thought I was my mother, and some thought they knew exactly who I was but had to check to make sure.  It had been a while since I’d been home, it had been a while since we had all gotten together.  She wasn’t our glue anymore because she wasn’t who remembered.

I miss her, every day.  Every time I go to email my mom, her name pops up too and sometimes I just want to send a message but I don’t know how long ago the account was closed.  

As I was singing the song to Baby Danger and making up my own words because I don’t remember the whole thing in its original form, all I could think of was her and the impact she had on my life.  She’ll never meet him but she’d really love him.

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2 thoughts on “My Favourite Things

  1. I love this post, it's the most vulnerable thing I've ever read from you. I'm sorry that you lost such an important person in your life, but it's so great that you're able to have such good memories and sing songs to baby D that she sang to you.

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