The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Nine years ago I met Superman.  He was a functioning adult, or so I thought.  He was still young, needed some help in navigating finances, bill paying, budgeting, etc. But for the most part, he had it together.  He was the adult in his relationship, she required serious assistance.  He knew how to cook, clean, etc.  When we started dating he was fantastic, he cooked, cleaned, did laundry, grocery shopped, you name it.

Fast Forward 9 years… 

The only thing he does now besides go to work is take out the trash and load the dishwasher (notice there is no UNLOADING the dishwasher).

Last night, when he went to go make dinner because I was nursing Baby Danger and he was hungry.. he couldn’t find the mozzarella cheese for the pizzas.  I apparently forgot to pick up the cheese.  After him turning down the ham, talapia and pizza that could have been on the menu HE helped create, I finally demanded pizzas out of sheer ease.  

After this, he went on a mini-strike to the point where he declared he just wasn’t going to eat dinner and pout because his problem solving skills were left in the real world 3 years ago before he joined the Air Force.  I sent him to the shopette to see if they had mozzarella cheese and if they didn’t, told him to go to pizza hut and pick up a garlic bread pizza.

Well, he found the cheese.  We ate dinner.

I woke up this morning/mid-morning after having a really long day yesterday and looked around my house.  Superman was off for 3 days for his kelly week (they work 24 on/24 off, 6 shifts then have 3 days off).  He works LESS than he did in North Dakota and does so much less.  I looked around the house and he took the trash out, threw his PT clothes on the floor in the middle of the hallway, threw his shower towel in his closet (wtf?!) and left his slippers and clothes from last night next to the bed.  That’s 3 piles of clothing that I get to clean up this morning.  I also get to clean up dog vomit on the rug, baby danger’s clothing, unloading the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, going to the commissary, potentially finding a farmer’s market, and making and delivering dinner to him at the station because he’s on shift today.  Wanna know what he did yesterday?  He went to the commissary, took baby danger to subway and left me to shop alone, came back and added random crap to the cart, loaded a dishwasher (and never ran it), opened the washer to see if there were clothes in it, watched a movie, and made pizzas.  Oh and he synced his iPhone with his iTunes (actually, I did this and he watched) and went to the gym.  His excuse for not helping me break down the boxes and take out the recycling – “childcare”.  I shit you not, he used the excuse, “childcare” to get out of doing anything.  I’m 100% certain he hasn’t figured out what our new trash can looks like either.

Here we are at 1pm, and I have JUST now gotten my breakfast and a large cup of a coffee.  I planted Baby Danger in his exersaucer and turned on ESPN and made a pizza for lunch.  

Tomorrow, he cleans, or he dies.  And the next time he asks me why something wasn’t taken care of, I’m using the excuse, “childcare”.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, Baby Danger is yelling at me.




2 thoughts on “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

  1. Isn't it funny how guys lose their ability to do stuff when they get married? My husband did the same thing. I find piles of clothes, bowls, cups, and papers everywhere. I tell him he leaves a trail and I know exactly where he has been. It is difficult to keep the house clean when the one person who can help me keep it clean is also making a mess.

  2. I feel for you!Until the last year or so, my husband was the exact same way! Now he'll help do the dishes (though he won't put them away, he does to the hand wash dishes or any extras that don't fit in our mini washer), if I ask him he'll help me put away clothes (my back gets sore easily, so he does the bending for me), clean the tub/shower (if I tell him to) and does the kitty litter (most of the time, but I do have to remind him a lot). Oh and my least favorite thing…he cleans the toy room and picks up the kids' stuffed animals that go in their nets!I can't complain too much. I may be raising our kids, but he's not making me work outside the home and never has…so technically, it is part of my "job" as a housewife and mother…and he does WAY more than most of the men on the boat he's on!

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