Let’s have a real conversation here…
Yesterday I was trolling a babywearing facebook group that I was added to by some friends and someone posted that one of the mama’s was no longer with us. She had taken her own life. Her babes was 16 or 18 months old and she had been struggling with PPD for a while. Tons of people chimed in with support and some admitted they were having issues and others offered support to those who were still with us. It was pretty heartwarming and also very real. That baby no longer has a mama and her struggle was very real. She was in a very dark place and no one knew, or maybe they knew a little but didn’t really understand.
I’ve had issues with depression in the past, the military is unaware of them, I’m unmedicated. At one point I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and depression from a family doc. He was out of his league. Looking back, I might have some bipolar tendencies and I really think everyone does, but it’s not something I have a solid struggle with like I used to. I also have depression issues periodically. Specifically, when the sun is missing. I know how to get treatment, I’ve done it before. I know what works, what doesn’t and what I’m willing to try. Being depressed sucks anyone who’s experienced it and gotten out of it can atest to that.
Everytime Baby Danger goes to the doc, they ask about me. Surprisingly, I’m better off now that I was before. I don’t know if that has to do with him or the copious amount of sunshine and honestly, I don’t really care – I’m just glad it’s easier. As I’ve gotten older, it’s gotten easier as well. That’s not to say that I’m not wholly terrified of Superman deploying while I’m stuck in another country, because, well, I am. I don’t know how I’ll react. I know that loneliness takes a toll on me but hopefully I’ll have friends by the time that happens. I know damn well that I have shown up at a friend’s house because I was very concerned about her. She didn’t answer her phone, she wouldn’t text back, no facebooking, you name it. Still to this day, I don’t know exactly what the problem was or how bad it was but I do know she answered the door.. and she was not happy to see me. I also know that I rang the doorbell like 300 times so she didn’t really have an option and I don’t care if it annoyed the hell out of her. I needed her to know that it was okay and she could talk to me about whatever it is. It’s so easy for military wives and new mama’s in general to lock themselves in their house and not come out. No one knows what you’re going through if you don’t reach out and no one can help if you don’t throw out that card. Got a friend that’s husband is deployed? CHECK ON THEM. Haven’t heard from someone in a while? CHECK ON THEM. Know someone who has a hoard of kids and their spouse is gone often? CHECK ON THEM. Just check on them.
for all of you who are dealing with PPD or any type of depression. I feel you. I know it sucks. I listen well. You can email me, it’s cool.
And if you don’t want to talk to me – just talk to someone. There is always someone who will listen and care, even if they’re a total stranger. Humanity is surprising sometimes.