Superman goes back to school

Let me just tell you a little secret about the man I married… he’s never satisfied, ever.

When he buys a car, he likes to plan his next purchase about 6-8 months later.  When he finishes a college degree, the itch comes back a few months to a few years later.  He’s obsessive and neurotic (or maybe that’s me?) when it comes to new things.  He doesn’t sit still on anything.  I would say that I like that but it would be a bold-faced lie.  

I don’t mind that he likes to change things up, usually, but I do mind that we’ve never paid off a car.  I mind that his attention span to something is the length of goldfish’s memory.  I mind that he’s never happy with where he is which somehow makes me feel inadequate.  I’m a gentle soul, my eyes speak for me, my heart breaks for others, I’d give you the shirt off my back (literally – I have done that), I would move the world so that the people I care about have what they want with reckless disregard for my own needs, wants, and desires.  When he says something like “I want…”, I immediately jump into planning mode.  I figure out how to make it happen.  Since we’ve been together for the last almost decade, he’s grown accustomed to the word “no”.  He hears it often.  If he had his way, our credit cards would be maxed out, he’d have the most expensive golf bag to walk the island of Okinawa and all the gear to go with it.  His collection would rival pga tour players and he sucks at golfing.

Regardless, he’s been docile since joining the military – they’ve kept him busy, kept him training and upgrading.  He’s about to finish his 7 levels which qualifies him somewhere above a staff or a seasoned one – he hasn’t even sewn on yet.  He hasn’t finished his CCAF because he doesn’t want to pay for speech (his CLEP didn’t go so well – apparently he gets nervous in front of people) so he’s decided he’s waiting until ALS and he’ll just get the credit.  In any case, he applied and got accepted for a master’s program in contractual something or other.  Why you ask?  Because he MIGHT want to crosstrain.  ALKJFKQWB!!!!?!??! Seriously?!  We didn’t even really talk about him going back to school.  Originally the plan was to save his GI Bill for me since I don’t have a M.A./M.S. yet and he has one.  

Apparently we aren’t doing that anymore.  Apparently he’s using it.  Apparently I’m going to kill him.

Then “Mr. I Make The Greatest Plans in the Entire World” sends me a text a few weeks ago asking me where his transcripts were from his master’s program.  I am not the keeper of the crap he keeps in his car.  I have no idea where his transcripts are that he demanded we order and then subsequently lost after a visit with the commissioning people at the ed center because he doesn’t pay attention to his surroundings in any way, shape or form.  Want to know where MY transcripts are?  In our file box in the folder labeled “education”.  Shocking, I know.  When we went to go get the orders for Japan, he lost his medical clearance.  He swore up and down he “gave it to me” that he “put it on the table” and that he “brought it into the house”.  Want to know where it was found?  Sure you do – Outside, under his truck, buried in the snow and covered with ice melt.  Yeah, that’s my observant husband. I even bought him one of those STUPID ABU file folders with paper in it and a expandable file thing that zips from the uniform store because we “needed one of those if we were going to PCS because it will keep all of our forms together”.  HAH!  HAH, I tell you.

Guess who keeps talking about having to buy school supplies for his 2 master’s classes he will be taking in Novemeber? I already told him that we have everything in the house he could possible need.  I’m sure he’ll whine about a pen and some paper (which we have copious amounts of) until I cave (which won’t take long – see paragraph 3) and let him buy some.  Then he’ll complain about the selection at the BX and try to order some ridiculously expensive fountain pen off the internet that I refuse to let him order because he steals all of my pens and I never see them again.

I told him I was sending our child to daycare just for sanity purposes if he goes back to school.


Oh, and you know those transcripts he had to have a copy of?  Well, he ordered a 2nd and 3rd copy (one for the university for admissions and one for the house).  Guess who left his transcripts sitting on top of the DVD stand (again, might I add?) and has no idea where they are now?  Yeah… he’s special.  Lucky for him I know where they are because I was sick of seeing those effin’ things sitting in stupid places and getting lost.  I hate paying for them over and over again because he can’t be bothered to put them somewhere safe.

I don’t know if I’ll make it through the next 18ish months.




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