I yelled at my child today.
I’ve been on edge for the last couple of days, very little quiet time (I’m an introvert by nature and need decompression time like woah!), and very interrupted sleep for the last week or two. Baby Danger ripped my glasses off my head and hit me in the face with them whilst throwing a temper tantrum because of the word no and a diaper change. I hate being hit in the face, I hate being hurt. He got me and before I could stop myself I yelled at him. He cried. I’m a jerk.
I really needed some decompression time and I haven’t been able to get any quiet time for myself. Superman came home this morning and immediately left to go voluntold. Last night when I took him dinner I was informed that his 4-1 schedule has been reverted to 6-1, thus losing his day off that is coming up next week and skipping the week. Firefighters work 24 hour shifts, he’s 24 on 24 off and every 4 shifts he’s off for 3 days aka Kelly week. Well, this kelly week is being skipped due to manning, a deployment, a medical emergency, and a very short notice tdy team. Not only that but his TDY was cancelled meaning I probably won’t be going back to the states for a week or two and his switch to days M-F has been postponed indefinitely. It’s a lot of changes and stress all at the same time for all of us. BD misses his dad, I miss being able to clean or shower or even eat right now. BD has been ultra clingy and despite wearing him around the house often, he keeps getting fussy. My shoulder is killing me for no apparent reason and I just want to sleep through the night. Crib training is a bitch, sleeping through the night doesn’t happen and I keep getting woken up earlier and earlier. Oh and Superman is gone again today for AADD tonight. Breakfast sucked. The dog is pissing me off. I need a vacation, alone.
The time I did have to myself today was seriously ruined by my neighbor’s dog who keeps barking and whining when they leave. I can hear it through the ceiling. It’s annoying.
Anyway, I feel like an asshole. I totally made Baby Danger cry and he hates loud noises, me raising my voice, the word no, etc.
I saw this posted on facebook today: New Mamas Get Nothing Done (and other untruths)
You may have seen it on my twitter. But regardless, I needed that today. I needed something that said it’s okay to not get everything done. Instead of napping with everyone today, I cleaned the kitchen when I should have napped. More importantly, the comments really resonated with me. Someone suggested an “I did” list instead of a “to-do” list – that’s brilliant. I don’t know who you superheroes are that get so much accomplished with a crawling child (or any child) terrorizing your house but I applaud you. I am not you. My kid is not your kid. He wants to be involved. He wants to tear apart the DVD rack (and we let him) and cruise the couches. He wants to play the drums on coolers and pots and pans. He just wants to do it all, without being tied down to anything.
I still need a break and maybe a mamasan, but I’m going to cuddle with him and stop trying to get a whole bunch accomplished while he’s awake. I’m pretty sure we’re stressing each other out and all he wants is his mama and all I want is to hide in the closet sometimes.
I feel like this is all coming out jumbled and chaotic, but I’m sure there are plenty of you who can follow my though process right now. Regardless, I feel like a jerk for yelling at my baby but I’m sharing the “You don’t need to be a superhero” post I saw.
I’m also sharing this: Autocorrect Fails Why? Because that shit is funny and you will die laughing. I cried.