The glamorous life of the military wife.

You’ve seen the show, you’ve seen the meme’s and comments.  Our lives are POSH (wich a capital P).  It’s all sunshine and rainbows and people bending over backwards for us, etc. etc. etc.  Our husbands are home every night for dinner, the yard is perfect, the laundry is put away and we have maids.  The kids are perfectly groomed in their designer clothes and we look like we just stepped out of the salon with out designer purse. Right?!

Wait, you mean that’s a lie?  RATS!

 

I recently was messaging with someone who is PCSing from Oki to Why Not? and I told her the base was small.  Her response was, “smaller than Kadena?”  I choked on my water.   Why Not? has a base population of about 5500, Kadena is home to 20,000 people.  This poor, young girl, has no idea.  She has no idea that she’s about to live on a base where the restraunts close at 7pm.  There is no steakhouse, no teppanyaki, no chili’s.  There’s barely a BX.  Her travel time will turn from 10 minutes to 30.  The gym will no longer have the best smoothie bar ever and will close at some STUPID hour because it’s “winter”.  Hell, it’s always winter in North Dakota.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s nothing like this place.  I told her, “it’s what you make of it.”  And that’s the absolute truth.  If we got orders back, I wouldn’t cry like I did the first time.  I might even be a little excited (and slightly annoyed, but I’d deal).  I still have friends there, I wouldn’t be walking into a new place not knowing anyone.  This girl is young.  Oh well.

 

Lately, I’ve been wondering where we will go next, because we WILL go somewhere next and in 2 years or so (maybe sooner), but we won’t extend here.  At least, as of right now – Superman refuses.  I haven’t really seen him in 3 weeks.  It’s pretty obvious looking around that he hasn’t been home and when he is home, he continually makes messes – this isn’t new.  But usually, he’s home long enough, sometimes, to clean them up.  Not recently.  I might choke him soon, or sell all of his stuff if he doesn’t clean up his messes soon.  In the last 3 weeks he’s volunteered at least 5 times.  He’s planned and orchestrated a ball.  He got sick for 3 days.  He’s worked 3 different jobs.  He was told to be flexible because there’s no telling where he’ll go in the next few weeks and then on Wednesday of last week we found out.  He’s going to rescue school.  So Monday morning he’s in training, but Sunday night he’s supposed to work dispatch from 2am – 8am and be in rescue by 0645.  WHAT?!  Now I have to deal with 3ish weeks of rescue school and then who knows what.  

I’m annoyed.  Really annoyed.

No joke, he’s been home for 3 hours tops and then turns around and leaves again.  I want to go to the gym.  I want a shower on my own time.  I want to not be responsible for grocery shopping and childrearing at the exact same time, every time.  I would like to watch a movie with my husband (not my sleeping husband who fell asleep on the couch and I haven’t judo chopped him yet).  These last few weeks have sucked.  First he got sick, then Baby Danger got croup, then I got something that required antibiotics and came with a 103 degree fever.  The only person who was required to soldier on like nothing was wrong was me.  Everyone else got to sleep and rest.  Not me.  And let me just tell you something, sicky MD is an ANGRY MD.  I said so many things to him, so many cuss words and I meant every single one of them.  During my time being sick (I still am, btw), I was responsible for all the cooking, the kid-rearing, his bathing, my bathing, trying to convince myself to eat whatever I made for myself (and deliver dinner to the broken superhero) AND clean up the house, the neverending pile of crap that keeps coming in my house and never leaves because someone who won’t be named (superman) can’t be bothered to straighten up, clean up, wipe down, run a dishwasher, run a washer, or put anything away or in the garbage.  I’m pretty sure our trash can is invisible to the male population around here as well.  I’m going to collect all the crap that he leaves lying around and put it in his closet or something.  He has no idea.  I picked up a straw wrapper, a granola bar wrapper, an empty milk jug, an empty water jug, 3 empty cups, 2 plates, assorted silverware, and like 5 or 6 other things that were just left out.  He said, “I was going to pick them up later.”  I asked him which month he was planning on doing that.  Our grass has weeds in it that are waist-high.  My recycling is literally sitting outside the front door.  His dry cleaning bags are all over the couch and his laundry pile is (no joke) 5′ tall.  I stood next to it, just to verify.  AKLFHKLWTORIQWFONQNW!??!!!!!!!! I hope he’s ready for it this weekend because if this house isn’t picked up by then, he’s going to be super bored cleaning all weekend.

Did I mention his mom is going to be here in like 6 weeks and I need to finish Christmas shopping.  UGH.

 

I NEED HIM HOME FOR MORE THAN 12 HOURS.  He’s already trying to plan going out to dinner on Friday night.  His friend wants to take us out for rescuing his dog and wants to leave here at 7pm for dinner.  Ugh, no dude.  There’s a tiny human who’s usually in bed by 8.  That’s not happening.  Oh and he wants to go deep sea fishing.  I’m actually tempted to let him go, just so he can get super sea sick for $120.  (He can kiss it – he’s not going).

 

I need a mama-san… and a less lazy husband.  Yes, I called him lazy – it’s an entirely accurate adjective for him.  He’s the only person I know that doesn’t put a single thing in the trash.  Yesterday, I picked up 2 dirty diapers before I went to bed.  Neither of them were ones I had changed.  There’s no follow-through.  He just sets things down and walks away from them.  Ugh.  Just Ugh.

 

Do I get leave?  I need leave!

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Approved Leave!

We FINALLY got our leave approved for the first time since he’s been in the military (almost 2 years!).  We will be traveling to see his mom in Virginia.

I was so excited about this because we were going to get to spend time with her, see the area, visit some friends,chill out, etc.

And then yesterday, Superman told me that his dad and brother would be joining us in VA.  Which in turn, means his sister will also be joining us in VA but hasn’t committed yet, or they haven’t told her.

So instead of having a cool vacation where we could sit around and relax and stuff, we are going to have the entire fam-damily out there.  I’m not even kidding.  His mom lives with her sister and mom, 3 dogs, and possibly a bipolar sister who will most likely, randomly show up.  So instead of having any type of relaxing vacation with no plans and some fun, we will be entertaining a 3 ring circus of the whole family.

Let me introduce you to the cast:
Dad – “High-strung, money obsessed dad who constantly fights with sister.” (divorced from mom)
Mom – “I’d rather hang out and chat, drink coffee all day and I totally go with the flow.” (divorced from dad)
Bro – “I’m pretty chill, I like to hang out, drink some beers, and just be in the presence of family.”
Sister – “I’m 20 and I think that working 20hrs/week is too much.  Give me money and buy me things.”  AKA “I will pit mom and dad against each other for personal, monetary gain.”
Aunt T – I am better than everyone, don’t use my crap or pay me for it. Cousin K is my son.  I would sell my kidney for the eff up.
Nana – I live here, I’m retired.  I’m not very nice.
Aunt S – I’m bipolar and generally unmedicated so I make strange decisions
Cousin K – I’m an addict and in and out of jail since I can’t kick a habit. Aunt T is my mom and I walk on gold.  She’s even living in the house I bought because I convinced her to co-sign before I got arrested.

From the looks of it so far, we’re going to have Dad, Mom, Bro, Sis, Aunt T, Nana, & Aunt S.  I believe K is in jail on a probation violation.  Otherwise we’ll see him too.  I’m going to lose it.

There will be fights and screaming matches, people pissed off at other people, Sis flipping out. Dad yelling at sis.  I just want a quiet vacation!

Anyone else have this problem?  They were all here in September, I’m not sure the need for it now.  They are way more excited to see him now that he’s in the military than ever before.  To the point where his dad has pretty much acted like all he did was screw up but now, he’s a saint.